I don’t think I ever tried dandelions with a burdock when I was a kid. It went far beyond the usual collection of cola, fantasies and lemonades, somewhere in the serious adult world of ginger beer, tonic water and cups of tea. Over time I grew up with the taste of ginger beer and learned to respect its taste. I should try root beer at my local McDonald’s. Eventually I even saw the miracle that it was cream sauce, but I never tried dandelion or burdock. I looked at it sceptically and noticed that the pharmacy, the stacking, the dark medicine bottle and the old world doodles, a little dust on the bottles in my local supermarket indicated that its popularity was decreasing and I was definitely wrong.
This is the first time I drink a glass of my freshly brewed SodaStream and I don’t blame myself for being careless and pushing it away so far. I can say with absolute certainty that this drink causes rancidity. Raw taste: 3 parts lizard, 1 part emu, 1 part dirty turtle and no taste.
Then let’s take care of it: The first taste is slightly medicinal, with a fairly strong herbal aroma all over the tongue, a cotton nose discoloration, followed by a light sip of coffee. You almost overcame this cacophony of horror when you were struck by the aftertaste, a disgusting mix of stomach, unpleasant broth and an immediate blow to the brain. Once you’ve recovered from your instinctive headache, take another sip and if you’re lucky, you’ll get some extra fruit and toner notes left over for photocopying. Wow.
I am known for enjoying a wide range of beverages and not being afraid of toxicity. I add drinks like flavoured root beer to the mouthwash and use my own line of SodaStream because it has nothing to do with that, but I do demand that the strong flavours are combined with the thought and intention of creating an flavoured sugar overload instead of trying to clean the digestive system. As far as I know, the dandelion is the flower that little boys like to help sow. Bird, I can only assume it’s a shoe or a slap. The combination of these two terms is nothing but a real evil.
I don’t know why these fragrances are still made, but I can only guess that their origins go back to the Victorian era, when unscrupulous businessmen tended to invent things with strange flavors and then sell them with some therapeutic effect. It may have been a popular drink, and it survived thanks to the tenacity of its fans and its blindness to tradition. Nostalgia is all well and good, but not all traditions deserve to be preserved (see fox hunting, slavery and wearing the horn), and I’m going to throw it all away when the scavengers come on Wednesday.
I can’t say whether the SodaStream version of Dandelion and Burdock is a real holiday or a pale representation of real things. How do you say it’s good dog shit? I can only say that you should avoid it, just like your parents who want to borrow money from you. Come down like a big man and visit an old house with low beams. I hate the way the drowning man hates the water. Eww.
Take control of your life and take a bottle of evil.
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